Lawyer jokes 2

Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyers funeral?
There are only two handles on a garbage can.


A man walked into a curio store and was shopping
around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and
brought it up to the counter.
The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and
$1,000 for the story behind it. The man said,
"Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on
the story."
He purchased the brass rat and left
the store. As he was walking down the street,
he started noticing all sorts of rats following
him. The further he walked -- the more rats
followed.
He walked down to the wharf and still
more rats came out and followed him. So, he
decided to walk out into the water, which he did
-- and all the rats drowned.
He returned to the
store shortly and when he walked in, the
proprietor said, "Ah ha! You came back to pay
the $1,000 for the story, right?"
"No," replied the man,
"I came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!"


A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box
office. Suddenly he feels a pair of hands kneading
his shoulders, back and neck. The lawyer turns
around and yells at the person behind him, "What
the hell do you think you're doing?"
The man behind him says, "I'm a chiropractor, and
I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in
line."
To that the lawyer replies, "Well, I'm a lawyer,
and you don't see me screwing the guy in front of
me, do you?"


If you are stuck in a foxhole with a cobra, Osama Bin Laden,
and a lawyer, you only have two bullets.
what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer twice.